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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30079395">i swear he’s destined for the screen</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/idasgaybullshit/pseuds/idasgaybullshit'>idasgaybullshit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Friends With Benefits, Jealousy, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Musician Remus Lupin, bassist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:08:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,064</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30079395</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/idasgaybullshit/pseuds/idasgaybullshit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>sappy story about how sirius fell in love with this adorable musician but they have different views on what relationship they want.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i swear he’s destined for the screen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>theres some excplict content in this but it’s minor, also mention of mental and physical family abuse.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>„alright? you done yet?" james shouted over into sirius room, where he stood, looking into the mirror with an unsatisfied look. he didn't want to go there at all, but since james had just started dating that stupid girlfriend in that stupid band, of course he had to come too.</p><p>he looked at himself in the mirror, dark long hair up in a messy bun, white shirt and a pair of black baggy jeans. he sighed, before turning around and walking out the door into the big living room area, connected to the hallway and the open kitchen.</p><p>„y'know what, i think you should go alone after all, i mean, don't you wanna hang out with her after?" sirius asked casually, leaning against the wall.</p><p>„hm? oh no pads you're not getting out of this, forget it!" james turned around from the mirror, where he was checking out if his hair laid correctly, well more like if the mess of brown hair was sticking out in a „cool messy way" as he liked to call it. „plus, we're all going over to lily's after with a few of their friends, having a kind of party" </p><p>„what? party?" now sirius attention had been awoken. sure he wasn't too thrilled to go to a concert of a random band, he was rather specific with music, would've rather spend the night in some club, but with a party afterwards, he was totally down. </p><p>„yes, party, alcohol, you heard me" james grinned. sirius quickly got his black doc martens and pulled them on. „well let's go then" he smiled, hand on his friends back as they walked down the staircase and out.</p><p>the concert hall was only a short walk and soon enough, they were standing in front of a building, late summer air breezing over their skin. inside, there were noises from a tiny bit of a crowd, but as the two boys stroded into the concert hall, the tiny crowed turned out to be a rather large crowd.</p><p>„bloody hell, you told me they were a small band" sirius looked around, hands burrowed into his jeanpockets.</p><p>james grinned „may have lowered your expectations a bit" he said, looking at sirius. sirius couldn't help but chuckle a bit. „course you did" he shook his head.</p><p>moments later, 4 people came onto the stage, sirius observed each one carefully, as the crowd started screaming.</p><p>first one to enter was lily, james girlfriend. she had a tight dark green mini dress with an oversized leather jacket on, her firey orange hair fell into her face.</p><p>next the guitarist, a girl with longe blonde hair came out as well, black tight skirt and white corset, then the drummer, a boy with shaved head, dressed all in black sat down on his drumset. last a boy with light brown locks, hidden under a black beanie and beige pants with a big black shirt came on stage, the bassist.</p><p>sirius eyes immediately stuck on the tall boy, who walked in, head held low but sirius could still see the warm smile on his face, as he got into position. he didn't even look up until lily started talking.</p><p>„hello everyone! thank you so much for coming tonight, i know this was sort of spontaneous, but since we're all in the town right now and didn't have anything to do, we thought holding a little concert would be fun.</p><p>„a little?" sirius lost his glare on the bassist to look over to james. „told you i was lowering your expectations" james grinned back, before fixing his eyes on his girlfriend again.</p><p>sirius sighed, as he looked back up to the curly haired boy, who was looking at lily with that same beautiful smile. sirius realized that not only his smile was beautiful, but his face was as well, and even though sirius couldn't quite figure out why, but his lanky figure was also very interesting and breath taking to him.</p><p>he couldn't stop staring at the cute boy, at that cute grin. it got even worse when they started playing, as his long angelic fingers picked on the strings carefully, that same grin now focused on his hand movements. </p><p>sirius still stared at him in awe, completely throughout the first song. it felt like everything else was irrelevant around them, he only focused on the bassist's hand movement and sound he made.</p><p>throughout the second song, he started looking up into the crowd a few times, and by the 4 he was sitting on one of the boxes causally, face towards the crowd and enjoying himself.</p><p>with every second, the boy got increasingly more handsome, more adorable. the way he put so much work into his instrument fascinated sirius so much.</p><p>after their last song, there was a loud wave of applause, and sirius caught that adorable grin again as the bassist looked up, and suddenly, stared right back at sirius. it wasn't an uncomfortable stare, more like the boy had felt exactly what sirius felt as well, as if everything around them dissapeared. sirius blushed heavily, before breaking the eyecontact and looking down at the ground.</p><p>he had to find out that boys name, thank god there was a party after this, he just had to try, even if he might not be gay. that connection, that energy that left sirius body as he watched that adorable bassist was addicting, he needed more. so he slowely bend his head back up, to find the bassist sitting on a chair alone now, microphone in front of him and his bass replaced with an ukulele.</p><p>he coughed a little, to get the crowds attention, who started screaming loudly again.</p><p>„as always, i'm going to sing a quick song as a finish, hope you enjoy my cover of riptide by vance joy" an almost too soft to be true voice ringed through the concert hall.</p><p>there were more screams, which quickly died down when he started playing the melody.</p><p>sirius once again watched the boy move his hands up and down the strings, but when his voice sounded from the microphone, sirius could've sworn his heart stopped.</p><p>his voice was perfect, almost too perfect. it was hoarse but soft and matched the song completely.</p><p>„i was scared of dentists and the dark.."</p><p>„who is that" sirius immediately shot out. „um, think his name is like remus or something like that" james answered unbothered „why?" he then turned to sirius.</p><p>but sirius ignored him, staring at the boy in awe again. „oh god sirius you are HORRIBLE" james giggled „can't take you anywhere without you finding your one true love, can i?" he shook his head, but sirius stayed focused on the cute bassist named remus.</p><p>„lady, running down to the riptide, taken away to the dark side, i wanna be your left hand man.." <br/>sirius heart beat heavily, staring at the way remus smiled at the crowd confidently, nodded along the lyrics and lightly chuckled in between, then while letting his eyes fly over the crowd, he caught sirius staring again. this time, he grinned strongly, while singing the aah-ooh-ooh-ooh part, but quickly closed his eyes again for the refrain.</p><p>god, he sounded so perfect, so heavenly. sirius could listen to him all day.</p><p>„i think i love him" he sighed. „oh my god you're unbelievable" james shook his head.</p><p>„i swear he's destined for the screen, closest thing to michelle pfeiffer that you've ever seen oh" now remus stared at him again and let out a devilish smirk.</p><p>„HE SAID HE!" sirius turned around to james, who just stared back at him, mouth ripped open. „oh god i think you've actually found youre soulmate" he shook his head in disbelief. </p><p>the rest if the song, sirius stared at remus, just waiting for those split seconds where he looked back. after he was done, he muttered a quick „thank you for coming" before hushing from the stage.</p><p>„he's coming to the party right? right?" sirius stared at james. „think so, come on lets go backstage, james grabbed sirius hand and lead him through the crowd back to the back.</p><p>infront if the backstage door, a man stood who was just about to tell them to back off, until james pulled out a backstage pass and quickly pushed through the door where they entered a room with all the band members in them, sirius quickly searched the room for the bassist but he wasn't there, so he let out a small groan.</p><p>„calm down, he'll be at the bloody party" james chuckled, before embracing lily in a hug and kissing her softly, then she quickly hugged sirius and turned back to both</p><p>„alright, can you boys already go to my house and make sure everything's ready?" she asked.</p><p>„yea, sure baby" james pressed a kiss to her temple before quickly going out and walking down the street to lily's house, which was, small for a house, but huge for one person to live in.</p><p>after about 10 minutes, people started walking in and getting drinks and talking.</p><p>they we're all friends of the band, apperently, but sirius could hardly believe they had that many friends, because the house was now rather crowded, james and lily already off to somewhere alone and sirius was chatting with a group of people, he was always quick to make friends, and he wasn't quite sober.</p><p>he hadn't spotted the bassist yet, but he also realized just going up to him might be weird, so he just stayed with his little group, which included the guitarist.</p><p>„anyways, sirius, tell me a bit bout yourself" the blonde guitarist, how he learned was named marlene said.</p><p>„hm, lets see. your typical gay guy that got rejected from his family and got kicked out the house, now lives with his childhood best friend in a flat" he explained.</p><p>„sounds about right" she grinned and nodded „job?"</p><p>„currently studying photography, then i might open up my own photography company" he explained.</p><p>„where'd you get the money for that?" she looked surprised.</p><p>„uncle died and left me a shit tone of money. i wouldn't actually ever have to work again, but then again, where's the fun in that, right?" he grinned.</p><p>„totally see you, i would be bored out of my mind without my band and my little coffee shop job" she nodded.</p><p>„tell me about the band, like the members" sirius asked, suddenly the image of that adorable bassist got into his head again.</p><p>„hm, well we have lily, obviously, very bossy but very sweet, then the drummer, he's called jake, honestly i don't know shit about him, he's just there for the band practices and doesn't talk much, but he's hella good so i don't mind, and then of course moony our raging emotional bisexual" she giggled at the last.</p><p>„remus? the bassist?" he asked quickly, heart glittering.</p><p>„yep, we call him moony though, and let me tell you, when i say raging and emotional, i mean it, ive never met one person that understood him and could look through his feelings. i know hin since im a kid and i still struggle with him on a daily basis, i mean i even live with him! he's just a bit, well, he's chaos. but a sweet chaos"</p><p>it was as if marlene was just giving him what he wanted right now. he wanted complicated, he wanted drama, he wanted excitement. he loved trying to read people.</p><p>„sounds absolutely perfect to me to be honest" sirius giggled.</p><p>„oh god, you know, you actually kind of remind me of him a bit" she grinned.</p><p>sirius wanted to take another sip of his cup when he realized it was empty.</p><p>„i'll get myself another drink, alright?"</p><p>„yea, see you" she smiled, before turning to the rest of the group again.</p><p>sirius quickly stroded to the kitchen, where he got another cup of some sort of strong liquor and downed it in one bit, before getting another cup.</p><p>„trying to get completely hammered?" a voice said behind him- no wait, not just any voice, it was a soft and beautiful voice. sirius quickly turned around to find remus leaning against the wall. his heart skipped a beat, and he could swear he was even prettier close up.</p><p>„oh- you!" his face immediatly sprung up.</p><p>„you" sirius repeated remus words.</p><p>remus slowly stepped forward and took a cup himself. „didn't expect you here to be honest" he chuckled.</p><p>sirius face dropped a bit „what, displeased? i may remind you you're the one that talked to me first" he snapped back.</p><p>remus just hummed. „who do you know here anyways?" he then asked, turning to sirius, cup in one hand, the other propping him up on the kitchen counter.</p><p>„lead singer is my best mates girlfriend and he dragged me here" sirius huffed, sort of dissapointed. </p><p>„nawe, here i thought you might be here because of me" he pouted. sirius was confused, really confused. marlene was quite right about the whole complicated thing.</p><p>sirius decided to just play with it. „not really, but it is quite the bonus" </p><p>remus grinned satisfied „you wanna get out of here?" he set the cup down quickly.</p><p>„hm?" sirius looked up from his cup, very confused now.</p><p>„you said your best mate dragged you here, now i could be dragging you out of here, if you wanted that" he smiled.</p><p>„oh.. oh- yea yes!" sirius stuttered.</p><p>„alright but give me your name first you pretty thing, will you?"</p><p>„right! um sirius black" </p><p>„im remus lupin" the taller boy smiled, before quickly dragging him out the kitchens and pressing his hand against the back of sirius to push him through the crowd and pushed him out in the now warm late summer night.</p><p>he quickly turned a left and they started walking through the street. sirius felt delightfully dizzy and the warm wind blew through his hair. he pulled out the hair tie from his dark hair and let it fall into his face.</p><p>„so, your best mate, james is it?" remus said in his soft voice, while walking a steady step through the dark.</p><p>„yeah, james potter." sirius nodded „how'd you know?" </p><p>„lily is completely mad about him, whole band can't hear the end of it. she's actually making us sing bloody love songs" remus chuckled lightly. the hoarseness left his voice completely and the sweet and light voice made sirius have to hide a big grin.</p><p>„oh god, if you knew what i have to go through with james! he's been listening to love songs for like a month now, ever since he's seen her, fucking taylor swift and james arthur from morning till evening! and he won't shut up about how her hair falls and the way her eyes sparkle" he made a throw up motion after that.</p><p>„not a big fan of love then?" remus chuckled again, so softly. sirius was going to go mad if he wouldn't be able to do something soon.</p><p>„no i am, don't get me wrong, i'm all about falling in love with the perfect guy, but i dunno, not now, not with my studying going on, it would be way to stressful, plus i always get hurt" sirius explained, carefully. he wasn't sure what remus wanted, but he knew he was fine with everything, so honesty would probably be the best move. „what about you?" </p><p>„well, i don't hate love. i just.." remus thought heavily- „i don't date" he shrugged.</p><p>sirius was confused on how he should take this. „elaborate?" he asked, trying to sound casual.</p><p>„i'm not about the feelings, i love sex, i love having a sort of bond where it's more than just sex, like i dunno, cuddeling after, going to concerts of mine, but i don't support the idea of being only one persons property, and i can't seem to ever catch feelings the way the other person does" he explained.</p><p>perfect! more than perfect! this was- well, almost exactly what he needed! </p><p>„alright" sirius nodded, looking down at the floor.</p><p>„by the way, i think james arthur's music amazing, dunno what your problem is" remus now said, most serious tone he heard him talk yet.</p><p>„what??" sirius stirred arround to him. </p><p>„yeah, i mean come on! just say you won't let gooooo" remus sang, but before he could continue, he burst out into laughing, and relief washed over sirius' body. </p><p>no matter how hot, there was no way he could've just looked passed that.</p><p>„i just almost had a heart attack" sirius chuckled.</p><p>„yea? so serious about music? what's your favorite musician then?" remus asked while quickly stepping a few feet infront it sirius and turning to walk backwards so he could look at the smaller guy.</p><p>„definitely frank ocean and mac miller. what about you?" </p><p>„well, first of all rex orange county definitely and then, don't make fun of me, the neighbourhood obviously and otherwise any groovy song you can play on bass, guitar or ukulele" </p><p>„hence riptide" sirius nodded and grinned at the thought of it.</p><p>„what's so funny" remus grinned as well now.</p><p>„my head just replayed the smooth replacement of she with he during your performance" he looked down, chuckling. </p><p>remus threw his head back in laughter, revealing a long neck to sirius. god he would love to trail his tongue down that neck. </p><p>„i was trying to win your heart over" remus said, with an ironical undertone. there it was again, that stupid heart fluttering. sirius bit back an annoyed groan and turned to remus, the alcohol in his system bringing up some sort of braveness inside of him.</p><p>„yeah?" he asked, with a serious look on his face.</p><p>„well, depends on if it worked" remus winked. god, why was he so casual with everything? sirius asked himself, his heart was pounding, nausea slowly building up in him, while remus was still as calm as ever.</p><p>„i dunno" sirius shrugged, trying to mirror remus calmness. inside, he was a wreck. that boy was just so hypnotizing. </p><p>remus stopped in his tracks and when he turned to him to look what happened, panicking a bit, he saw that grin again, the grin he had on stage, grining widely down on the floor like there was a 100 pound bill laying infront of his eyes.</p><p>but before sirius could ask or say anything, he saw remus turning to him and walking towards him quickly, backing him up to the wall and grabbing his face tightly, before pushing their lips together, sirius back pressed against the wall.</p><p>sirius quickly took in the scent in a warm and unbelievably breath taking scent, he didn't have the time to make out what it was, since remus lips were fogging his mind up, moving against his own with so much tenderness, yet so much desire.</p><p>sirius hands quickly snuck around remus torso, pressing them together even more, while remus slowely slid his up sirius hair.</p><p>the perfect harmony of movement in sirius and remus lips was interrupted by remus slightly biting down on sirius bottom lip, which made sirius moan lightly.</p><p>he'd never felt like that kissing someone, he didn't know wether it was remus' charm or the alcohol, but he felt more alive, more complete and electric than ever. everything felt so right. the way remus hand felt in his hair, how their body's pressed against each other so perfectly, everything was right. </p><p>when sirius moaned in remus mouth, he felt like he had unlocked a new sort of desire in him, causing remus to knudge a knee between sirius thighs and kissed him even deeper, before finally pulling away, leaving sirius panting.</p><p>„bloody hell, warn a bloke before you do that" he breathed out, while remus face was still only inches away from his. this close, he could strongly see two scars, one across his nose, the other slit through his eyebrow. they were silver, obviously really old, but noticeable but he knew this wasn't the time to ask about them, even if he wanted to find out so badly.</p><p>„now where's the fun in that?" remus grinned back, before pulling him off the wall and directing him straight forward again.</p><p>„wanna take this to my place?" he asked, chuckling and walking in a now more alive way, just like sirius. they almost looked like drunk teenagers wandering the streets at night.</p><p>„oh definitely" sirius nodded, not even embarrassed or blushing. they both knew where this was heading.</p><p>„well, good that we're riiiight.. here!" he stopped infront of a tall building.</p><p>sirius looked at him surprised, before his mind finally worked out what had happened, now, he blushed.</p><p>„remus lupin, did you really take me to your place without even asking?" sirius shook his head, in ironical offense.</p><p>„you're rather easy to look through, sirius black" remus just grinned that warm smile again, before taking his keys out of his pants pocket and opening the door quickly.</p><p>„won't marlene be there?" sirius asked while they were walking up the stairs. remus stopped in his tracks and turned to him. „how on earth-"</p><p>„we talked, at the party. she told me a bit about you" sirius chuckled.</p><p>„oh god please no" remus shook his head, before continuing to walk up. „well anyways, no, she's staying at her girlfriends house tonight. the flat is all ours" </p><p>„good to know.." sirius held back a grin and as they finally arrived through the door, before he got pushed against it. </p><p>he didn't get the chance to notice the flat, the big room filled with records, cd's and instruments. he was quickly in remus room, where he also wasn't able to notice more instruments, records, books, everything a mess but the room was still tidied up.</p><p>„alright, i do have one thing to ask you" remus said, stopping in his tracks.</p><p>„go on?" sirius was getting a bit nervous.</p><p>„you promise this is totally just about the sex and you won't like get attached??"</p><p>oh, well, he couldn't exactly promise that. he knew himself, he knew he would, he knew he'd definitely want this more often and he wasn't exactly the type to just have casual hook ups , but then again, remus was worth trying it.</p><p>„yes" was all sirius managed to say before remus continued.</p><p>he was quickly pushed onto the bed, his t-shirt had already been flung away in the hallway, now he tucked in remus shirt, to pull it off.</p><p>„don't- dont get distracted, just ignore them alright?" remus almost sounded insecure as he lifted his arms and the t-shirt was gone.</p><p>sirius stared at remus slim but defined torso, covered in silver lines. „why ignore them?" sirius shook his head softly, while tracing the scars with his fingertips. „i find them facinating" he grabbed remus tightly and started leaving openmouthed kisses along the lines, making remus whimper.</p><p>„oh fuck sirius" remus tilted his head back, as sirius kisses slowely trailed down his torso while his hands where already on his pants zipper.</p><p>a few hours later, they were laying in bed, both breathing heavily, legs entangled, while sirius was still trailing his finger across every scar.</p><p>when remus woke up the next morning, sirius was missing. he thought he might give remus some space, with all the no feelings stuff and he really had to study for the exam on monday.</p><p>also, a few weird texts from james concerned him enough to make him go home as fast as possible.</p><p> </p><p>whatsapp between prongs and padfoot:<br/>prongs (12:03pm): oi mate! heard you left with remus?</p><p>prongs(12:04pm): honestly didn't expect you to go for it, but have fun! </p><p>prongs(1:20am): oksyy i know your peojbably shagginj the basssissst right now, but i jsust santed to tell you i loveyou!!!!</p><p>prongs (1:31am): baaabbbyyyyy i misssss youuuuuuu</p><p>prongs (2:44am): i justd hasdd fight witj lily</p><p>prongs (3:20am): i'm ENGAGEDDD!!!!!!!</p><p> </p><p>the messages all seemed normal, until he read the last one and immediately panicked home.</p><p>sirius burst through the door, to find a sleeping james and ruttled him awake. „james! jamesss!!!" </p><p>„calm down, what's up?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.</p><p>„WHATS UP? YOU TEXTED ME THAT YOUR FUCKING ENGAGED AT 3 IN THE MORNING"</p><p>„what?!" james stared at the message, which sirius held infront of his face „ohh, that" he grinned.</p><p>„what? please don't tell me this is one of your stupid, not thought through ideas" sirius whined.</p><p>„well, sorta! but hear me out.."</p><p>it had turned out that after a long fight, they had decided that they would never want to live without each other ever again and promised to marry each other some day. in sirius head, those were lose promises, silly teenager talk, so he just shrugged it off. </p><p>we all know he would be proven wrong at some point.</p><p>james tried to ask questions about remus, which sirius answered with a quick response.</p><p>„look, i don't want to get my heart in it, i don't even know if it's ever gonna happen again, alright mate?" </p><p>james obviously understood, like he always would.</p><p> </p><p>he tried his best to learn that sunday and get his mind off of remus, and the amazing sex, his amazing kisses, everything. it was hard, but the exam was important.</p><p>so monday, after the exam finally finished at about 14pm, he stepped out and pulled his phone out to ask james if he were in for a quick coffee, but when he turned it on, a message plopped up.</p><p> </p><p>unknown number(13:22pm): hi. sorry, not tryna be creepy lol, this is remus. marlene gave me your number. i was just wondering if you wanted to, y'know, come over again? </p><p> </p><p>sirius grinned widely. oh thank god, he thought. he was planning on asking lily for his number today himself, but well, remus apperently had had the same idea.</p><p>he quickly saved the contact and replied.</p><p> </p><p>Sirius(14:03pm): sure! just tell me when and i'll be there:) </p><p> </p><p>he tried his best to sound as casual as remus did, as he opened james chat</p><p> </p><p>padfoot(14:03pm): coffee?</p><p>prongs (14:04pm): b there in 5 x</p><p> </p><p>he settled down in their favorite spot, when his phone binged again. he quickly checked, hoping to get a message from that certain bassist.</p><p> </p><p>cute musician (14:08pm): today? like 7?</p><p>sirius (14:08pm): fs, see you later</p><p>cute musician (14:09pm): great:)</p><p> </p><p>sirius was grinning heavily when james sat down. he quickly hunched over to look into the phone.</p><p>„cute musician hm?" he smirked.</p><p>„shut up" sirius blushed.</p><p> </p><p>later, after spending 30 mins worrying about what to wear, his clothes where on the floor again ironically fast.</p><p>this time, when they where left panting in the bed, it was still rather early, like 9pm. sirius had no mind to think about whether he should even still be laying in remus bed, he was still trying to calm down from his euphoria, body still close to remus'.</p><p>remus seemed to calm down quicker, as he stood up after a bit of a cool down, pulled on a pair of boxers and sat down on his chair.</p><p>sirius watched him closely, unsure what to do now, how to behave. sirius hadn't done this kind of stuff a lot, a few one night stands sure, but not just casual sex without feelings.</p><p>he moved his body up and looked up to what remus was doing. he saw the boy sitting on a chair, tuning his guitar.</p><p>„should i uh- go?" he asked, pulling on his boxers.</p><p>„hm?" remus turned to him surprised, then out the window. it was pouring and thundering terribly.</p><p>„i don't think you wanna out home with that weather out there, summer thunders are horrible."</p><p>sirius relaxed, and nodded, before pulling on his t-shirt and boxers and laying back down on the bed again.</p><p>„you don't mind me practicing though right? i just wanted to go through the song again for a gig i have this weekend" </p><p>„oh no, course not" sirius shrugged, pulling out his phone to check social media.</p><p>but then remus started playing, his fingers plucking the strings with skill and it sounded so heavenly, so calming, so perfect.</p><p>sirius immediately recognized the song. sunflower by rex orange county.</p><p>and then remus voice started singing, that soft and sweet voice, and sirius heart fluttered so so so strongly.</p><p>throughout the first part of the song, sirius suddenly completely forgot how to breath, sucking his breath in to focus completely on remus soft voice</p><p>it got ever worse when remus looked over to him and smiled while singing „and i'm obsessed with you" before quickly looking back to his hands and grinning that stupid perfect grin again.</p><p>when the upbeat started, sirius could finally relax a bit and flopped himself down to close his eyes and just enjoy remus soft and calming voice combined with the warm guitar sounds contrasting perfectly with the threatening rain and thunder from outside</p><p>in between the song, there were small giggles at parts like „make it down, do-do down" and warm smiles during parts like „why would i let myself get down in the first place" and when the song ended, sirius couldn't help but let out a sigh.</p><p>„what?" remus chuckled, putting his guitar aside and moving to the closet</p><p>„just like your voice" sirius shrugged and sat up, to figure out what remus was up to.</p><p>„i know" remus chuckled. he pulled a sweatshirt on and a pair of, of course, gray sweatpants.</p><p>when he came walking back to the bed, sirius couldn't help but look.</p><p>„oi, mate, looking is only allowed inside of bed!" remus laughed out loud.</p><p>„i can't help it it's staring right at me!" sirius whined, making remus laugh even more. </p><p>sirius loved to make remus laugh. the pure thought that he did that made it so much fun, plus, he had the most beautiful laugh, and-</p><p>OH SHIT NO. stop it! don't you dare get attached and catch feelings you idiot! </p><p>oh but sirius did, hard.</p><p>he noticed it quickly, after their 3rd hook up, he was completely mad about him, and completely freaking out.</p><p>„just tell him" james had told him over and over again, but he couldn't, he knew how it would end.</p><p>sirius would tell him he caught feelings, remus would tell him he didn't, and the whole thing would be over.</p><p>but the more they met, which was basically at least twice a week, the harder it got. he knew he didn't even want a relationship right now, he knew he would get his feelings hurt if he were to admit to them, but it was just so damn hard with remus, since he really was chaos. the worst thing was that remus was open to cuddling and chilling afterwards, so sirius couldn't even separate it correctly, it was like remus needed all the love from sirius, it was so confusing to him, especially when he promised remus to watch his gigs, and they would always end up naked in each other's beds, just like tonight.</p><p>it was two months after they had first hooked up, and sirius and james we're watching a gig of the band, where remus' cover of self control by frank ocean made sirius specifically desperate to rip the taller boys clothes off, had landed them directly in sirius' flat, ditching the usual after party.</p><p>„so" remus said, tracing his fingertips across sirius' shoulder, who was laying crumbled together into remus body, completely tired and exhausted. sirius only managed to hum as answer.</p><p>„how'd you like my cover?" </p><p>„think about that question, then think about how quickly i dragged you here to tear your clothes from your body" </p><p>remus chuckled. that sweet, adorable chuckle that sirius adored so much. yep, that's it sirius thought, pulling himself up to put some clothes on. he couldn't bare being so close to remus without completely losing his temper right now. </p><p>„how come you don't play any instruments if you're so music obsessed?" he then asked.</p><p>„well, my parents weren't exactly the type to care for my creative education" sirius said, grabbing a record and putting it into the record player.</p><p>one thing that they shared, was their love for records. both agreed on it feeling way realer from a record player than from music boxes very early on.</p><p>„how come?" remus asked, apparently invested now.</p><p>sirius looked at him, trying hard not to get distracted by the fact that he was still completely naked.</p><p>„don't think this is something you talk about in uh, this kind of relationship" sirius said, unsure.</p><p>„i'm not asking as your fuck-buddy, i'm asking as your friend sirius" remus said, in an almost too serious tone, but the sound of mocking was still clear in his voice.</p><p>sirius sighed. he hated the „my parents mentally and physically abused me until they threw me out of the house" talk. not that he wasn't open to talk about it, he was always open to talk about feelings to anybody really.</p><p>„oh boy, you sure you wanna hear this?"</p><p>„yeah, pretty" remus nodded. fortunately, he wrapped his naked body in a blanket and looked at sirius as if he was waiting for a good night story.</p><p>„alright. well, you see, i never really had the best relationship with my parents. okay, understatement of the year, they were abusive towards me and my brother. not only physically but mentally. they um started early on, ever since i could think, me and my brother where punished with acts of violence, especially my dad liked to use blades since they made our skin sting for days. my brother, he decided quickly to just listen to what they said and not get into any drama, but me, i was made for drama. i wanted them to be mad at me and i often took the blame for things my brother did, since he was too weak to take on the punishments. they where very strict about school grades and church, they didn't care for my creative outliving. i didn't get the chance to do much except for a camera my cousin gave me, and i hid that from my parents and snuck out at night to take pictures of random things in the night light, the street, parks at night, everything. when they found out i was gay, they threw me out of the house and that's when i moved into james' house. they never showed me any kind of affection or love, that's why i'm so close to james"</p><p>shock was plastered across remus face.  he obviously didn't know what to say. „it's okay though, i haven't talked to them since i was 16, i don't see them as my family anymore" sirius quickly tried to defuse the tension. he sat down next to remus on the bed, smiling at him to show him that he was alright.</p><p>he really was. he had time coping with everything, only scars that were left were from the blades and his issues with needing affection. </p><p>remus seemed to sense that, as he opened the duvet for sirius to crawl next to him. he understood that as an act of friendship, and quickly climbed to remus and let himself be embraced in remus presence. he knew he shouldn't. he knew it would get him even more attached, but could it be wrong if it felt so right?</p><p>he fell asleep quickly, into a nice warm and peaceful sleep.</p><p>they had spent many mornings together, they were never awkward or anything, everything just seemed easy, but what this morning had in storage for sirius, he would've never expected.</p><p>it started off as usual, they both showered, then they would either eat breakfast with james or go out. it was routine, and all of their friends had accepted their platonic „fucking"</p><p>but when sirius got out of the shower, dressed in sweatpants and no shirt, hair still damp, he found remus sitting on the bed, eyes ripped open, looking at sirius phone.</p><p>„hey mate, eh, everything alright?" he didn't really mind remus looking at his phone, james did it all the time and it wasn't like he had anything to hide anyways.</p><p>remus eyes shot up to him, and sirius found something like anger, but also.. was that hurt in his eyes?</p><p>„i can't fucking believe you" remus shot up, grabbing his hoodie and heading for the door.</p><p>„what? what happened? did i- what?" sirius was completely confused, what on earth did he find on his phone.</p><p>„oh don't fucking pretend you asshole, don't contact me, don't do shit" remus wasn't shouting, but the anger in his voice sliced sirius up inside like his father used to. </p><p>and with out another word, the door was banged shot, leaving sirius alone.</p><p>he quickly ran into his room and picked up his phone, to find a message from peter, one of his close friends</p><p> </p><p>loml(10:12am): hey hottie, thought we might get some dinner tonight? what do ya think? i've been missing you lately, you've been kinda busy haven't you? i love you babe! xx</p><p> </p><p>oh shit.</p><p>it wasn't like sirius and peter were those kind of friends, they were strictly platonic, never even kissed, heck peter was bloody straight, but it was common for sirius and his friends to text like that, always had been. remus just didn't know that.</p><p>sirius quickly grabbed any hoodie he could find, before running out the door and trying to catch remus.</p><p>luckily, he was just out the door, and sirius quickly caught up with him, yanking him to turn towards him.</p><p>it was cold, autum wind creeping into sirius hoodie, and he quickly wrapped his arms around his body in an attempt to warm himself, his hair flew around like crazy due to the wind.</p><p> </p><p>. „will you bloody calm down, it was a friend!"</p><p>„oh because i call my friends babe and hottie? we're friends. i know what friends are for you" remus spat back.</p><p>„what the fuck are you being like this for? we're not those kind of friends, he's not even fucking gay and even if, i don't know why you would even care! you're the one who wanted this no dating bullshit" sirius immediately regretted saying that.</p><p>„me?! we both wanted it!"</p><p>well, there was no going back anyways now. „i never actually wanted to! i just bloody said yes because you're so hard to resist!"</p><p>remus was startled and for one second, sirius saw hope, but that was completely gone in the next second, when remus took a step back and said „i don't think we should do this anymore sirius. goodbye"</p><p>and with that, he turned around. </p><p>„you can't just leave!"</p><p>but he did, he left.</p><p>and sirius was devestated, as always. he spent hours listening to mac miller songs, crying for hours. he was pathetic, as always when he got his heart broken, and as always, his friends where right by his side, watching sad movies with him, getting horribly pissed, talking about how love is stupid, even though james and lily were doing great, and peter and his girlfriend had a bloody child coming.</p><p>sirius decided to not spend any second thinking about remus, the second he went back into his flat, obviously failed at first, but got into routine to just start drinking as soon as remus plopped into his head.</p><p>but one night, it was specifically hard, and he wasn't in the mood to drink at all, but all his friends where out on an important concert, which sirius couldn't go to, since it was remus concert.</p><p>he put on his pjama pants and an old sweater remus once left at his apartment. he knew it was pathetic to do that, but he just needed it, and sat down on the sofa to watch titanic, a movie where he would one hundred percently fall into a deep depression hole after, but it was better to think of that sad love story than his own.</p><p>halfway through the movie, he looked at the clock, the concert must be over now and they'd all be heading to lily's appartement to throw a party where remus would find someone just like sirius, with less feelings and complication, if he hadn't already, and shagg him senseless.</p><p>but then he heard a knock. </p><p>first he thought it was james, but why would james knock, unless he was too drunk to use his keys, god, sirius really wasn't in the mood to take care of drunk james.</p><p>he moved to the door, opening it and infront of it stood a tall figure, back towards the door. it was remus, but what the hell was he doing here?</p><p>sirius didn't know how he was supposed to feel, angry? happy? sad? annoyed? </p><p>all he knew was he was feeling those exact same feelings he felt from the beginning.</p><p>but when remus turned around, and revealed tears flodding down his eyes, he couldn't feel anything but concern.</p><p>„remus? w-what's wrong?"</p><p>„i tried. i tried so hard to fucking forget you. i tried so hard not to fall for you. i tried so fucking hard, but i couldn't get you out of my fucking head. then i stood in front of all those people and started playing a stupid rex orange county song and i could only think about the fact that i couldn't find your stupid  perfect eyes in the crowd, staring at me like i'm all they ever wanted, making me give them all i have, and i just fucking ran off stage and came here" sirius couldn't hear a sob in his voice, just hot tears running down his cheeks.</p><p>sirius looked up at him, inside, he felt perfect. warm, bubbly, full of love, but outside he was emotionless. sirius had to make him go through a little bit of pain after what he had been going through for the past weeks.</p><p>he let out a light breath, before casually asking „what song?" </p><p>remus huffed, before grabbing sirius tightly and pushing himself onto sirius, kissing him roughly.</p><p>sirius immediately wrapped his hands around remus, and for once in his life, he felt right. like he belonged, like he was complete.</p><p>he felt loved.</p>
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